The Broken Christian


Say a prayer for everyone who has lost their lives to police brutality and a prayer for everyone who has been terrorized by the body supposed to protect us.

For the dead, their families have been plunged into perpetual grief. For those alive, things will never be the same as they will carry that fear with them wherever they go.

Pray that things get better in Nigeria and if you can lend your voice to the movement targeted at changing the horrible narrative, please do.

#ENDSARS is the best we can do right now as a reform or redeployment of the unit wouldn't cut it.

Nigeria will be great again and God will protect us all.

You may proceed to read.

This is one of the most candid posts you might ever read on Lumière de Dieu.

It is coming from a place of complete brokenness and helplessness.

When God gave me the vision of this blog, I was excited. Seemed really huge but I believed that with my amateur writing skills I could take on the task effortlessly.

Well I was wrong.

For failing to take into consideration my personal struggles, and the storms of life that blow against every Godly vision, I soon found myself questioning God and asking if I was really the person for this job.

Barely a few months in and my spirit man was drained, exhausted and feeling empty.

What do I have again to offer the world? I asked God.

I have reasons to be thankful you chose me but it doesn't take away the fact that whether I am bold enough to admit it or not, my mental health has been struggling recently.

Undue pressure too difficult to get rid of has been sipping into my mind.

I know the promises of God, I live his word yet I find it hard to believe that the same word I preach to others can work for me.

As at mid August and early September, I was a mess.

Letters to God provided a ray of hope and the enemy sensed it quickly so he stirred some uproar from "concerned individuals". I soon got to know my editing, and all the things I was skipping coupled with headaches when I try to remember certain things or think deeply, were trying to take me back to a place of the illness I overcame by God's power in 2018.

It was tough, yet God didn't give up on me hence I decided to keep going.

I stopped getting letters from everyone.

All the articles I had written, scriptures fully researched waiting to be delivered to God's people, everything was simply archived on my Google keep.

Friends I asked to hold me accountable probably have their issues so they are letting me do my thing with God. God has probably been looking down from heaven saying to himself "Did this girl think SHINING THE LIGHT OF JESUS AND SPREADING HIS LOVE THROUGH EVERY BLOG POST would be that easy? "

Well now I know!

That the task before me is nothing but a great commission and I must put aside every weight and run the race without impediments (any structure that makes progress difficult). I lied to myself that I was running, the weights of all these things however reduced my speed greatly!

Worship Wednesday, Thanksgiving Thursday, Letters to God, series on Bible characters, Lumiere library to review Christian books, everything planned and even the ones running were put on hold to accommodate the unhealthy baggage I hoisted around with a smile on face and steady words of encouragement to other brethren.

Today I say no more!

Although I still struggle with chronic inconsistency, short attention span disguised as "I get bored, tired or discouraged easily" and by God's mercy I will overcome, God's word has come to me strong again and more than ever I am putting in all the work!

The difference between the ordinary person and me is that this Light of God inside of me cannot be hidden; it will shine no matter what I'm going through or where my head is at.

I choose Joy in Christ today and always, and Peace in the Holy Ghost.

After reading Isaiah 40 and Romans 8 from the International Children's Bible version, God opened my eyes to see the weight of this ministry. If you are part of the Lumière family, your calling is beyond reading and sharing, it is a call to shine the light of Jesus and spread his love!

Romans 8 is where Apostle Paul stated succinctly that nothing could separate him from the love of God. It is my earnest desire that nothing will separate me or any of us from God's love.

I am known to cluster my points when writing (You'll notice if you follow my writing well) and mix them up in a disorganized manner (heard this from different lecturers I asked in school to find out how to get better with my studies). I have done everything possible to make my layout of points and my writing not just academic but generally, to flow like a river going in one direction but I presume God wants this inconsistent disorganized writer to shine his light and spread his love either way, so I am deeply honoured.

Beyond being honoured that God chose me, I am elated that there are people bold enough to subscribe, wait patiently for every post, give feedback and mind-blowingly courageous enough to SHARE with more people. God bless you immensely for your support.

As I overcome every hurdle in my way set by my personal habits, the journey of life, the enemy, or obstacles in order for this gospel to make waves, I will do my very best to show up here and be the Child of Light God has destined me to be.

In all honesty I will bring every truth to this space and share the word of our Lord Jesus unabashed.

Please read Isaiah 40 and Romans 8, all of it if you desire scriptural backing to these realistic truths I have shared.

God's word isn't a lie, it is very real and the word is with us.

Blessings, Love and Light,

Crystabel Nnamdi (Krystarbelle)

For Lumière de Dieu 💡

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